“What kind of love are you looking for?” I asked.
“I want the kind of love that feels easy. Not like the kind in the “TV romances” that we all grew up idolizing: a Chuck-and-Blair or a Rachel-and-Ross or a Ted-and-Robin kind of love, because love shouldn’t be about conflict. It shouldn’t be about agony. It shouldn’t be dramatic and messy and painful, more often than it’s easy and free. Loving the person I’m with should feel as natural as breathing, most days. It should be simple and effortless to love them. It should be easy more often than it’s hard. It should be straightforward more often than it’s complicated. Because the right kind of love feels easy, even in its most trying hour. And that kind of love is absolutely worth holding out for.”
“I want a love that does not hurt me or make me feel misunderstood. A love that does not give mixed signals or confuse me. A love that is not one-sided or unsure about me, a love that is not one foot in and one foot out. A love that does not lead me on to leave me or let me go. A love that grips me by the hand and makes me stay. A love that listens to my thoughts and understands me, it knows that I’m not perfect, but it still accepts me with all my jagged edges and scars. One that accepts that I need my time and it gives me space for my healing. A love that teaches me that I’m worth everything and more. A love that does not hold me back or stop me from flying because it becomes the very reason I spread my wings to touch the sky. And most importantly—a love that teaches me new ways to love myself every single day.”
“I want someone who doesn’t belong in this generation. Someone who values connections over possessions and understands the art of communication. I want someone who talks with honesty, acts with loyalty, and lives for love. Someone mature enough to make tough decisions and mature enough to say “let’s fix this, let’s make this work.” Instead of being childish and ignoring me. Someone who understands that even the strongest feelings expire when ignored and taken for granted. Ignoring me is only teaching me how to live without them. You might think I am suffering, whole time I am slowly adjusting.”
“I want Someone ready to risk it all for love. Someone who’ll have no problem stepping up to the plate to do what’s required to keep me. Someone who knows that having something special takes time to build, and a little more effort to make it last. Dating in this generation feels like trying to “prove” to someone that you’re worth a phone call, text, date, etc and I don’t have the energy for it at all.”
“I want someone that understands that I get triggered easily. That there are some nights when I’m curled up on a ball on the floor and I won’t talk to anyone. I’ll shut them out and not trust them for a while, because I’ve had people leave, cheat on me or chosen someone else. I will need reassurance. I will need them. I will need them to keep choosing me. I will need them to care. I’m a lot, I know this. So before they think I’m always happy, that I’ll always be positive, that I’ll always be smiling, I want them to know the reality before they commit to me. Before they enter my life.”
“Is that too much to ask for?”
She continued:
“I hope I find a love that gives me the strength to love myself. A love that not only heals me but allows me to help heal others. A love that doesn’t question me and breaks down every uncertainty I had about myself. A love that teaches me that I am worth loving and I should never think otherwise. A love that guides me as I walk towards my dreams, a love that holds me as I cross every barrier in life. A love that makes me stronger, wiser and kinder. A love that only brings me down to raise me up in ways I never imagined. A love that guides me, becomes the light and the reason for which I shine. A love that doesn’t break me if it leaves.”
“I want to find a lover who is my best friend, my companion and my equal in every way. One who will never leave me, but if they did then I would still be okay, because they will teach me that I am not incomplete without them. One who makes me feel whole but doesn’t weaken me. One who shows me my worth and teaches me to put myself first. One who cherishes my soul instead of my body. A lover as kind as the wind, soft as the feathers and as bright as sunlight. And I hope I find a love within this lover and I hope that one day they find me too.”
“My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me. I need someone who understands that life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I don’t want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone who tells me how it really is and puts me in my place. I need to be able to go for five hours without talking to them and not feel lost or incomplete because I am complete without them. But with them, I want us to grow together and help each other grow individually. I don’t need them, but I really fucking want them. And this may not work out, but the fact that they understand all of this, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot at making it work longterm.”
“At the end of the day, I just want to be proud of the person I have become and yet to become. I want to be proud of the love I gave, of the ways in which I risked my heart despite being hurt. I want to be proud of the efforts I showed to those I cared about, I want to know with a ruthless certainty that I showed up as much as I could, that I made people feel seen, that I made those around me feel less alone in this chaotic world. I want to be proud of my life, of the way I healed, of the way I made mistakes and learned from them, of the way I felt everything even when it wasn’t convenient or comfortable. I want to be proud of the way I grew, of the way I let go, of the way I pushed myself to be a better person.”
“At the end of the day, I just want to be able to say without hesitation that I lived my life, that I did not just take a back seat to my pain, or to my flaws, or to whatever hardships came my way. I want to be able to say that I am proud of the way I survived. I want to be able to say that I did not take anything for granted, that I did not take anyone for granted, that I did not take one day for granted.”
She concluded with a massive smile on her face.
My life in words 